Having attended many college football games, including one last week, I am convinced that no matter where I sit, there are always at least three people around me who fit into the following categories: Loudmouth, Sick, and Wrong.
1. Loudmouth – the guy who’s really passionate about the game; who can’t stop yelling insults at the other team. He reminds the other team’s quarterback about how terrible he is after every play. Opposing coaches, kickers, players with funny names on their jerseys, you name it, Loudmouth will insult them any way he can as long as he can see them, because obviously if you can see them they must be able to hear you.
2. Sick – the guy who happened to catch a cold the day (or week) before the game and it just might have evolved into something more serious. Whatever the case, the hacking and coughing that erupts at any given second becomes your soundtrack for the game. Meanwhile, you can practically feel the spittle raining down on the back of your head as you shudder to think about how many different combinations of bacteria and viruses will have their own football game inside you the next morning.
3. Wrong – the guy who has to inform everyone else what’s going on all the time. It’s like having your own announcer, except absolutely no qualifications are required. What’s that? We just rushed for 5 yards (it was 1 yard). We’re going to have to punt (we’re in the red zone). We really need Player X to step up in the second half (Player X had major knee surgery two weeks ago). That’s all well and good until he starts giving you advice for your personal life.
I don’t know if this happens to just me or if everyone has to deal with this, but as long as I’ve been going to football games, this trio has plagued my existence.
The Chief Justice Hollywood